


A Forever Kind of Love

by Libstar



Category: Holby City
Genre: AU, F/F, valentines day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 18:12:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,094
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9778532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Libstar/pseuds/Libstar
Summary: My addition to the Berena Valentine's Day party (a day late) AU where Serena and Bernie met at 20 and the Valentine's days they shared between then and now. A little angsty, but what life Isn't? It all comes out right in the end.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I had the best intentions to have this finished so I could actually post it on Valentine's Day but it sort of ran away with me and it went from being just a couple of hundred words to this. So happy belated Valentine's guys.

They meet on Valentines Day 1987, 20 years old, letting their hair down at a Valentines party after a month of back to back exams. Serena recognises Bernie’s face from a few lectures and a few similar parties she had been dragged along to by friends but they have never been introduced, never spoken, she doesn’t know Bernie’s name and if asked she will deny her desire to find it out. If she’s truthful with herself she admits that she is more than intrigued by the blonde, she is whip smart, often offering well thought out and insightful answers to problems in lectures all while sounding like she is bored to death just by being there. She’s also attractive, Serena can’t deny that, in a messy kind of way, she’s tall, taller than some of the boys Serena has dated and all of the girls, and she looks awkward, her long limbs never quite looking like they know where they should be, her hair, a riot of blonde curls, sticks out at all angles even when tided back and tucked under a scrub cap in practical sessions and her face, well, Serena thinks her face is perfect.

  
The stress of January exams, the relief of them being over, is enough to prompt Serena to drink a little more than she would usually and that night they meet for real as Serena stumbles out into the back patio in search of someone to bum a cigarette from and Bernie is the one to catch her. They end up sharing Bernie’s last cigarette and continue talking long after the end has been crushed under the heel of the blondes Chelsea boot.

  
The next morning, or is it afternoon, Serena wakes up only mildly hungover to the delicious feel of a warm body pressed against her back. It's a Sunday and a day free from lectures and practicals stretches out before them both. Serena doesn't even think about disappearing before Bernie, because she knows that that is her name now, wakes up. They talked for hours before they stumbled into bed and Serena knows that if nothing else comes from the previous night she has made a friend for life.

  
As it happens they don't move far from the bed all day and when Serena declares that she really ought to head back to her own flat to prepare for the next day Bernie insists on walking her home, buys her dinner on the way and kisses her lightly when they reach the front door tasting of cigarette smoke and mint and to Serena it's the most perfect thing imaginable. They don't make further plans but the next day Serena catches the blondes eye as she walks into the lecture theatre and she doesn't hesitate in taking the seat beside her, doesn't flicker an hour into the lecture when the blondes hand slides into the space between their seats, her pinky finger stroking the side of Serena's hand and she's the one who twines their fingers together, gives them a squeeze, throws Bernie a small smile before turning her attention back to the tutor.

  
The rest is history.

* * *

 

Their fourth Valentine's Day Serena holds Bernie extra tight as they lie in bed. The next day Serena will fly back to America to continue her studies and a few days after that Bernie will be shipping out too, she's passed her basic training with flying colours like Serena knew she would and now she's ready to serve. It's something they've discussed a lot starting a few months after they met and realised that they were really serious about each other. Bernie had always wanted to serve in the RAMC and Serena had her sight set on an MBA from Harvard and neither of them wanted the other to change their plans for them as much as they loved each other.

  
All of the talking had lead to one simple truth, they loved each other too much to let this come between them and so they would make it work. Serena being at Harvard had been tough on both of them for a while but they had gotten into a routine of phone calls and letters, Bernie had gone out to visit for a week when she had a break in training and Serena had made it home in time for Valentine's Day though not for Christmas. Serena knew that with Bernie away who knew where things were about to get tough again, Bernie wouldn't have regular access to a telephone and until she got settled she wouldn't be able to let Serena know where she was to send letters. It could be weeks before they got to talk again, the longest time since they'd gotten together, and Serena wasn't sure how she felt about the whole thing.

  
“You're thinking too hard,” Bernie murmured against her bare shoulder, “talk to me darling, what's going through that beautiful head of yours.”

  
“We're going to be ok aren't we?” She asked, rolling so they were face to face, “this, us, we can do it?”

  
“All we can do is try Serena and God do I want to try, I love you so much, so much.” Bernie pressed their foreheads together and blinked away the tears they had both been trying to avoid all day,

  
“I love you too Bernie Wolfe and I'll be waiting, always waiting for you to come home.”

* * *

 

  
Even when she's away Bernie makes sure Serena gets a delivery on Valentine's Day, Serena never asks how she manages it, knows that it must take a hell of a lot of planning on the blondes part and treasures it even more because of that, but tells herself she doesn't need the gifts to know that Bernie loves her, that her wife is ok. Until one year when nothing appears. She gives the other woman a few days grace like always, sometimes the package arrives on the 13th, some times bang on Valentine's Day and sometimes on the 15th and Cam and Charlotte are old enough now to watch for the postman with her, get more excited than she does and she's sure that once she's old enough they will get Elinor involved too.  
On the sixteenth, when she's pretty much given up hope and is half waiting for a call which carries bad news, the postman knocks and leaves a package but this is ones she's been expecting. When Charlotte runs out her calling

  
“What did momma send, what did momma send,” all she can do is pull her girl close, kiss her head and squeeze her eyes shut, willing the tears not to come, at least not yet.

Once the children are asleep that night she pours herself a large glass of Shiraz and allows herself to cry out the worry and hurt she has been feeling for days. She hasn't heard from Bernie in over a week, which isn't unusual on its own, but she knows in her gut that even though the blonde has never said it Bernie would never willingly miss Valentine's Day. Since Serena agreed to stay with her despite the full commission in the RAMC she has understood the implications of being an army wife but every time Bernie came back from a tour unscathed she was able to tell herself that it wouldn't happen to them, that somehow Bernie would serve her whole commission without so much as a scratch. For the first time in a long time she worries that this might be the time that Bernie doesn't come home and wonders how she will go on without the hope that soon the army will be done with her wife, the mother of her children.

She's drifting off on the sofa most of the way through her second glass, when a rap on the front door wakes her and her heart drops down into her stomach. She's not expecting anyone, it's too late for someone to turn up unannounced and for a moment she considers ignoring it in the hope that if she does, whatever news is waiting on the other side of the door won't exist. The moment only lasts long enough for a second knock to echo through the hall and Serena becomes aware of her children asleep upstairs, children who she doesn't want to wake especially if this is what she is beginning to believe it is.

Pushing herself up on weak legs she makes her way to the front door and takes a long, deep breath before she pulls it open. It's only the quick reflexes of the person on the other side that stop her hitting the floor as a sob breaks out of her chest and her legs give out.

  
“B.bernie.” She gasps out and the arms around her tighten and rock her slowly

  
“That's me,” she can barely believe what she is hearing and it draws another sob from her throat, Bernie is here, she is home, she's ok.

  
“Momma?” Both of their heads whip round to the stairs where Charlotte is standing rubbing her eyes, “momma!”

  
“Go to her,” Serena manages, pushing Bernie towards their little girl even as she wants to pull her closer. She watches the interaction, wipes away her tears, evens out her breathing, before she becomes a part of it, resting her head on Bernie’s shoulder, her hand on Charlotte’s back. It's not long before Cam is awake and clinging to Bernie’s leg and then Ellie is crying for her next feed, it's mad and it's messy and for Serena it's totally perfect.

Later, once the baby is asleep in her crib and the other two are wedged between the both of them in bed Bernie apologises and apologises for how late she is, for the fact that what should have been her best Valentine's surprise yet was ruined by delays and a missing parcel. And later still, Bernie whispers her biggest and best news yet into the darkness, she has three months off and then the next tour will be her last. Serena squeezes her hand and blinks away more tears and tells herself that this next tour won't be the hardest for her to live through, that from it she has so much to loose but so much more to gain.

* * *

 

The first Valentine's after they loose Ellie almost goes ignored. They are barely holding it together at work and home has turned into hell. They are barely speaking to each other and Jason has taken several large steps backwards since the accident, Charlotte has moved back home wanting to be close to her parents and Cam is doing the opposite, transferring to a hospital in London, telling Bernie he just can't bare to see everyone hurting so much. In many ways they lost Ellie months ago but that was fixable, there is nothing anyone can do to fix this.

For the first time in their relationship Serena isn't sure that they are going to survive, looking at Bernie hurts so damn much, seeing the pain she is feeling directed back at her breaks her already broken heart. She knows she's been terrible, pushing Bernie away, pushing Cam and Charlotte away, barely spending any time with Jason. She knows that they are all hurting as much as she is, that they've lost a daughter, a sister a cousin, but she never knew anything could hurt like this hurts, can't deal with her own grief never mind help her family deal with theirs. But she knows she wants to, she wants to fix this because they are her family and she needs them and they need her and they have to be ok because to loose Bernie so soon after loosing Ellie would kill her.

She'd honestly forgotten it was Valentine's Day, had barely realised it was February, until they arrived at the hospital that morning to find heart shaped balloons all over Pulses. It makes he heart clench, remembering the last thirty years of Valentine's days not always spent together but the distance always bridged, the day always marked in some way. She can't believe it's been thirty years since they met and fell in love, can't believe how much this woman has enriched every moment of her life since she stumbled drunkenly into it.

For the first time in weeks she finds herself reaching for her wife's hand, squeezes it tightly when Bernie twines their fingers together, she vows to herself that she will find a way to mark this day for both of them, that it will be the beginning of the healing they so badly need.

As usual though, Bernie beats her to it. She comes out of theatre to a note on her desk: 

  
Come home, Raf is going to cover the rest of the day, we’ll be waiting for you. B xx

  
The brief smile that tugs at her lips feels foreign after so long with nothing to smile about and she does not hesitate in shrugging on her coat and heading for home. Cam is waiting for her, leant up against the side of her car and she pulls him into a tight hug, stays there for long moments, murmurs that she loves him into the fabric of his jacket. On the short drive home he tells her about his new ward, the things he has done, and her heart swells with pride at how well he is doing, how he hasn't let what has happened get in the way of following in his mothers footsteps.

When they get home she can hear murmured conversation coming from the kitchen, can pick out the voices of Charlotte and Jason but not what they were talking about. Rather then leading her in the direction of he voices Cam points her in the direction of the stairs and she obliges, knowing that there is a bigger plan at work here and that each of them is playing a part. When she reaches the bedroom the first thing she notices is that the bed has been changed, only notices because in the last few weeks it has been the very last thing she has wanted to do and as with most things she has neglected it. Kicking off her shoes and shrugging out of her blouse, leaving herself in a camisole and her slacks, she follows the sound of running water to the ensuite and finds Bernie perched on the edge of the tub running her hand back and forth through the water and staring into space. It feels like she's seeing her for the first time in months and she is struck by precisely how much she has missed her, how much she has needed her but hasn't been willing to say it. Bernie is still in her work clothes, black skinny jeans, matching black shirt, her hair messy, shoved out of her face and Serena can see where the weight has dropped off her through stress and grief and vows to make it all better again.

“Hi,” she says quietly once she has looked her fill, pulling Bernie’s gaze from the spot on the wall bringing a slight smile to her wife's lips.

“Hi,” Bernie offers, holding her hand out for Serena to talk and then tugging her close, squeezing her fingers but hesitating before pulling her into a full hug, Serena senses it and finishes the movement herself, tucking her arms around the blondes shoulders and burying her face in the her hair.

“I'm sorry,” she whispers, kisses the hair under her cheek,whispers it over and over until Bernie’s arms move round her waist and she tilts her head up to press their foreheads together.

“Don't apologise, I understand and I'm as much to blame as you are,” Bernie murmurs, “your bath is ready, why don't you have a long soak and I'll go and check on the kids?”

“No, stay please?” She asks quietly, brushing her fingers through Bernie’s fringe, over her cheek, across her shoulder. “I've missed you.”

They emerge downstairs an hour later and Serena can't remember the last time she felt so refreshed, the table is set and whatever is cooking smells wonderful. Jason looks apprehensive when she moves towards him but she keeps her face open and he allows a hug before she moves on to Charlotte, her daughter holds onto her for much longer, burying her face in her mothers shoulder and taking slow, steady breaths.

“I love you sweetheart,” she murmurs, stroking her fingers through the girls hair and hugging her close, hating herself for the pain she has caused her family as well as herself, she knows it is still going to be hard but she also knows that the support of her wife and her children could only make it easier.

Dinner is quiet until, obviously uncomfortable with the silence, Jason blurts out a joke which effectively breaks the tension, pulling a chuckle from Serena and a honking laugh from Bernie that sets everyone else off. When the all settle again the conversation flows between them, someone tentatively mentions Ellie and the stories started pouring out and as much as it hurts a little it also feels good to talk about their youngest and remember the good memories for a change.

In bed later Serena curls into Bernie’s side and relishes the closeness, the comfort, again she hadn't realised exactly how much space had grown between them until they had closed the space again.

“Thank you,” she whispers, kissing the shoulder beneath her cheek and moving her arm more fully across Bernie’s stomach, “for still being here, God knows I've given you every reason not to be over the last weeks.”

“How many times will I have to tell you Serena,” Bernie says and Serena feels a kiss pressed to her hair, “there is nothing you could do, nothing you could say that would make me leave you. It's been hard but I'm as much to blame for how this has played out as you are, but I hope today we've turned a corner, that we just needed a little reminder to realise what we were pushing away?”

“I can't believe it's been thirty years,” Serena sighs, moving so she can look at Bernie’s face, “who'd have thought that when I stumbled into you at that party we'd still be together all this time later.”

“Me, I knew.” Bernie smirks and Serena chuckles, kissing her jaw, “I knew from the moment I caught you I'd never have another Valentine but you.”

 


End file.
